i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
