i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
