it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
