The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
