The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
