I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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