Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
