life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
