I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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