yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Someone came in the potted fern
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
