Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
