Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
