There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
