I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
