were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
be right there i have to get my cape
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
