What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
