the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
