u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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