how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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