If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
false alarm. still invincible.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
