I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
