White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
