I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
