exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
