soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
