We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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