Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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