You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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