No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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