I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Barsexuality is the new black.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
