I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
