I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
dude. I can hear the air.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
