So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
