her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
