im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
