im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
