I wish I only lived at night.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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