so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
