Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
