You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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