Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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