I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
