I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize