Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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