The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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