what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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