I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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