"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
