If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Shame is for Republicans.
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