So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
