How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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