So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude i'm inner monologue high
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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