Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize