would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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