chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
