I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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