nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
