forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
