If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
