i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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