i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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