The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
