Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
