Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
