Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
