So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
