I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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