Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
