That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
