he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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