I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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