he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
