I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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