You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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