did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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