I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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