Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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